Select Page

KirkThe power of stories in coaching

How we are believing our worlds are happening matters not only to us but to all of those with whom we are sharing the same physical space. Emotions come from how we are assessing realities around us and when we get a better and more realistic viewpoint of how we are creating those assessments, using facts or fiction, helps us to look into our own connections and the meaning of those connections we are sharing with each other.

If I tell myself that you are lying – I create an atmosphere of mistrust. In that atmosphere you can only connect with me marginally and in a small way. In that atmosphere – you and I cannot create because we do not believe each other’s stories. The assessment that you are not being honest came from a story. Is that story or assessment grounded in fact or heresay? What narrative fed me this assessment as truth? If someone else got a good look at the story I am telling myself about mistrust – might I better ground that story in fact? Yes. The old Proverb says “Plans fail for lack of good counsel but with many advisers they succeed”

What assessments are we making about others, ourselves? How are those assessments feeding our definitions of what is happening in our now? If I truly believe that 1000 refugees will alter my ability to feed myself and walk freely through my neighborhood – I have just assessed something unknown and that unknown becomes FEAR.

If I see that my son is coming home and doesn’t want to go back to school each day, what stories are behind his mood of depression?  What real life occurrences happened to give him an assessment that going to school is not a good thing? It is not the bully who is terrorising him – that is just the catalyst. The stories my son is making up about future interactions with the bully are what create, in his world, depression and fear.

Remove those stories and replace them with real factually based evidence of human realities and you break through that fear. Giving each human being an open mind. What stories are you telling yourself about Refugees? What story is your daughter or son telling herself about school tomorrow? What narrative exists, in your life in this moment?? What happens physically to you while you are telling yourself this story? Is that physical “feeling” becoming real? How?

If we look at the stories, we can see more about how we are generating realities in our lives and communities. Listening.

Paying closer attention to what stories and narratives are being believed gives us all a real and factual view of the realities we are creating for ourselves, our families and the greater communities we are living in.  How important is listening? Very. How do we hear what is happening and how others are assessing? We give them a voice and a place to tell their stories. Not only so they can hear them and listen to themselves – but so that we can connect to them and allow to move forward and guide these creations we use language and stories to make. In CoachConnect we listen to the narratives coachees tell themselves. This helps the coaches to build up a richer view of what happens in the mind of the coachees.